THE GROUNDHOG and THE FENCER (Part 2)

The FENCER.......

Ahhhhh the tale of the Fencer to tell as we left off from the Groundhog.......and The Fencer DOES have a tale to tell........

EDITOR'S NOTE: As a short digression......a review of the calendar you will see that my radiation sessions have begun. After an entire weekend of angst and anxiety over day one, I got through it, but more on those details in my next blog when I recap Week #1 of Radiation.

For now, everyone wants me to tell the tale of THE FENCER......which begins at my initial radiation set up appointment on August 13th at UPenn and continued for a second and final set up on Friday August 27th. WOW.....what 2 days of fun these were......NOT!

Through this journey you soon learn things that you would not normally know about cancer and it's treatments. One of those learnings was "tattoos". You see it seems when you get radiation your body is marked with either some special type of medical Sharpie or a regular Terrell Owens type of Sharpie. These "tattoos" are target points for the actual radiation and provides the technicians a "road map" of where your treatment takes place. But unfortunately when radiating on your neck or throat or face---places visible to others when wearing normal clothes---the tattoos have to be provided in a different form. Enter reason #1 for what the radiation team affectionately calls.........

"THE MASK"

The second reason for needing "THE MASK" for Head and Neck cancer patients is that during radiation the treatment area must remain 100% and I mean 100% still. To accomplish this the mask is BOLTED to the table.....oh yeah, bolted to the table. Now I'm going to be INSIDE this mask of some kind or other and it is going to be BOLTED down during the radiation treatment. It's gonna form-fit to my face and I'm gonna be lying there in the radiation treatment form of a straight jacket. If the "bolted to the table" part isn't fun enough, when I went in for set up, I was thinking this mask can take many forms..................what will this thing look like. I had some ideas.........

Now I got a pretty good feeling that this thing won't be as fun to wear for 30 sessions as "THE MASK" like Jim Caray got to wear. No, Jim Caray doesn't even have a sense of humor this sick and even though my sense of humor is good, even I couldn't wear some of those clothes.....especially that hat!!! So then I'm thinking.......Clarice, Clarice, where are you Clarice.......It's gonna be like the "Silence of the Lambs" mask.....albeit without the wire as I was surely not planning on biting anyone....at least not in the beginning. So it's Hannibal Lecter I'll be---should I say, look like for 6 weeks. I've gotta get my accent down, I've gotta recall all the lines from the movie, I've gotta say to every nurse I see....."Helllllllooooooo Clarice". No there ain't gonna be any Hannibal Lecter sightings at UPenn........ a big Strike 2 on the "Silence of The Lambs"!

So I strike out with Hannibal and all the movie lines I could have incessantly said over and over for 6 weeks to the technicians. (I'm sure they're all happy about this) Now I need to get a better idea as I'm almost heading back to get fit up real soon....."What is this mask really like?" So the nurse tells me unlike Jim Caray and Hannibal it is a mask that has to cover all the way over the top of your head and also cover both of your ears. OK.......we're in Philadelphia, so now...

I GOT IT......I GOT IT!!! It's the Bernie Parent hockey goalie mask circa 1974+ when the Flyers won their 2 Stanley Cups. I'm gonna look like Bernie for 6 weeks. Bernie, Bernie, Bernie......Finally this is what "THE MASK" is gonna look like.......plus my good friends the Carr Brothers are gonna be elated!!!

So I head back to the room where they are gonna make my mask. Vicky and Angie are gonna take good care of me. I tell them the straight scoop---nothing shocking to many of you---that I am a very impatient person and if I'm impatient and in a place where I can't move......well that is gonna turn the anxiety level WAY UP. We all agree for this set up session which could last for 45mins, that I take a little something to take the edge off. They tell me many people do as they get claustrophobic with the mask. While not moving is not gonna be good for me, I've worn a goalie mask playing hockey for years.....that mask should be no problem.

So Vicky says, "you wanna see the mask?" Sure I say. They then proceed to show me what I tell everyone looked EXACTLY like the end of a pool skimmer. Blue plastic outside rim around a square piece of mesh. Like the dope that I am, I ask....."Where are the eye holes? Where is the mouth hole?".........and the fine nurses of UPenn replied that there were neither.......and then they proceed to tell me that I am going to lay flat on this bed and take as the handout says..."a mesh-like sheet of plastic will be warmed up in a water bath which will allow it to be shaped over your head, neck and shoulders. As it cools, it will harden to hold your head, neck and shoulders in the same position each time the mask is put on you for treatment." Surely let us also not forgot that besides the mask being bolted to the table, my shoulders are bolted into place as well. Ohhhhhhhh......for someone as impatience and can't sit still for 5mins, this is......is......well.....is NOT gonna be a very fun 30 sessions of this. But hey.....even though you can't get up and dance, they'll play music for you!!

So thus Part II of this blog has come full circle......."The FENCER" has been born. I'm figuring since I'm still unemployed, when the radiation is done I can take my mask (they let you keep it) and go to Medieval Times and interview for a job. Hey....I'll come equipped with my own fencing mask!

The journey continues........boy, does it ever........

Best Regards and God Bless all of you!

David D