THE 2 MONTH REPRIEVE from DOCTORS and BLOGGING is OVER

Hello All,

Welcome Back to the Journey.......... Maybe it is the blessing of the season of Lent that has finally driven me. Or possibly it is that blogging will help save me from SHOOTING MYSELF OVER THIS WEATHER!!!......or maybe and probably just that I've finally gotten off my butt from little 2 month siesta here and get back to some things, for here specifically blogging.

It is nice to be back boys and girls and yes......it has been a while. This was really part of the plan to jump off this cancer train for a while....almost all parts of it that were not necessary to maintain my long-term care. But with that said....I never intended to not blog for a whole 2 months now. Stay away from doctor's appointments for 2 months, YES that was planned. Woulda/coulda/shoulda blogged before this since my last one on February 15th, but at this point.....it is what it is. I guess in many ways I didn't feel like I might not have had much to say....No pulling of Tubes, No Scans, No taking of pill after pill, No necks oozing puss, (See....didn't you miss this shit???) etc......No I still do have much to say that goes on today and many things I still want to write from the heart about the journey as surely it continues. But in many ways my life is getting some normalcy back to it over the past 2 months. But then again, that's really bullshit because in HARSH REALITY, my life will never been 100% the way it was before June 8th of last year. But with that said.....and as hard as this is to believe, in some ways, MY LIFE IS BETTER!!! Say what???.....see if I can get there a little bit today.

When we last left off with Mr DogZog......Well my last mailing list correspondence was not via a Blog, but by way of Blackberry e-mail to all of you when I got my 2 negative biopsies on February 16th. My next scan, follow up with the Radiation Oncologist and with my Surgeon would now not be until mid-April. 2 months off. Felt like a kid when school gets out. But not so fast......there is a problem with the ongoing Thrush that my Surgeon wanted me to be evaluated for the possibility of doing HyperBaric treatments....can you say Michael Jackson? HyperBaric???.....just hopefully I don't have to sit around with a pet chimp and teenage boys while wearing a sparkling glove if I do it, ala....the late MJ. Before I could do this, it requires an eye exam + the HyperBaric consult. Then there is what I affectionately call..."the DIZZY Doctor". Now I'm sure this doctor went to school and spent $100,000+ to not be called the "Dizzy Doctor". But for me, that is what he is. So to try and solve my Vertigo problem, we want Dave to take a hearing/balance test + a consult with my friend.....yes, THE Dizzy Doctor. So I exhale thinking I've got 2 months of no doctors and in the span of 2-3 minutes, I've got 4 appointments I need to schedule. YUK!!!

So I was pleasantly surprised and did not push back at all when scheduling could not get any of these appointments until......mid-April. Now come mid-April I was gonna get hammered with appointments. All of the follow ups I mentioned + a follow up with my dental specialist and other standard" follow ups with my docs at UPenn would bring the follow up appointments come mid-April to ten (10). More YUK!!! Captain Co-Pay would be back in full swing come mid-April for sure. So while I wasn't particularly looking forward to where we are right now, mid-April and the 10 follow up appointments, I was VERY MUCH looking forward to 2 months without seeing any doctors. Now we know that I've taken sooooo many medicines and seen soooooo many doctors, that I really couldn't go 2 months without seeing some kind of medical person. Goodness gracious if I went that long, Horizon would be sending me friendly Co-Pay reminders....." hey good friend, we haven't seen you a while".....type of thing.

But fear not Horizon....I had to stay on the Co-Pay train and had visits with a new GP, my Cardiologist and 2 trips to the dentist. Can't make any dentist jokes here though, as my dentist is on this distribution list!!! Additionally to these visits and really the only one related to the cancer recovery.....is going to PT for Lymphedema. These visits were twice/week, but now down to once/week, not due to it getting any better, but frankly due to the Co-Pay, price of gas and the miles traveled to get there. The affordability factor is only once/week. So.....as to the GP and Cardiologist visits you ask......passed with flying colors with all blood work and my weight (OFFICIALLY down >50lbs but <60lbs since March 2010) and blood pressue are so good, that my doctor might lower my BP meds come next visit. "Yeah baby".......

As to the ongoing Lymphedema, it continually reminds me of one word I've come to dread over these past 10 1/2 months......CHRONIC. My Lymphedema is chronic. My right side face numbness is chronic. My drier-than-normal mouth is probably chronic. My fluoride deficiency is my teeth is chronic. I'm hoping that the Thrush in my mouth is not chronic, but I've had it since mid-October and still yet......nobody can figure out how to completely cure it. Now mind you I don't have any problems swallowing, there are still some things that are very difficult. It still very difficult to eat harder foods...hard bread, chips, etc.....More so it is difficult to withstand spicier foods. This is the one I hope to heck they can fix because a life without Hot Buffalo Wings and Beer.....well......need I say more about the David D you all know??? It is also still difficult to eat certain foods unless rinsed down with a liquid. And while not a food, on sporadic Sundays I get to experience my toughest swallowing task as a result of my dry mouth. The hardest thing to get down is communion. It is extremely hard without the help of the Blood of Christ to wash it down. Now I'm sure Matthew and Luke and John don't have a scripture written for this, but it is a struggle on those days, like this past Sunday when the holy wine was not available in my section of the church. Don't think they would take very well to me turning Sunday Mass into a BYOBOC affair......Bring Your Own Blood of Christ. Yeah.....don't think that would go over very well.

Speaking of church and not going over well, as I've tried to continue my recovery, I'm trying to "diversify" in the prayer department, not asking for the same things over and over. Holy Week is upon us Christians and I was thinking of trying this one out at Easter mass tomorrow. Tell me how you think it would fly.........

Dear Lord,

Yes, your faithful servant David D here Lord. Just wondering your holiness, if you could help out here. I know you had that thing about turning water into wine. I was wondering if you could lend the touch to help turning my unpaid hospital bills into a winning Mega Millions ticket? Now it doesn't have to be like real MEGA Millions, just anything Mega would be fine. Can you get back at me on this?

Your faithful servant

David D

So I'm not really counting on this one working......what do you think?

Still with so many other things to say, I'll leave on that note of my pending Easter prayer + one other thing. I mentioned earlier that in some ways my life is better than it was. Possibly for many of you who know me, talked me and have seen me that would be incredibly hard for you to believe. Goodness all you would have had to do was follow this blog and it would be hard to believe that. But it is the sense of......."I'm so glad to be here today and well enough to".......kind of things. You know how nice it is to just watch the sun set? Things when you're sick you ponder if you're ever gonna see.....Arianna's prom, our 1st college visit with Arianna, (BTW.....Penn State last Friday and VERY nice!) seeing Josh walk in the door with glasses, getting Josh's report card of 3 A's and 3 B's and then having him put his hand out for a cash reward, getting to see everyday Matt's continued independence and growth into becoming a young man or getting the annual "when our we going back to Disney" speech from him......all things that hopefully I'm smart enough to soak in and allow myself to enjoy them unfolding---Grace and I together. So if you see a guy at the boardwalk or at the Brick Reservoir or just at the side of the road.....aimlessly staring at a setting sun this summer, it just might be me a crazy person......but also might just might be me......OK, same thing....I know!!!

Happy Passover and Happy Easter depending on your tribe.

God Bless,

David D

WHILE VALENTINE'S DAY WENT VERY WELL....I AWAIT ANOTHER GIFT.........

WELCOME BACK TO THE JOURNEY.............

And Happy Valentine's Day (belated) to all of you, epecially the Ladies in our audience........

As Ground Hog Day just passed us, it makes me reflect that so many of the days of my life over these past 8+ months have felt like Ground Hog Day. They have the same feel, the same texture, the same hope, the same anticipation, the same fear.......and more than any other emotion.....they have the same anxiety. Thus like it seems so many other blogs before this, today is one with the same feel of anxiety "as I wait in joyful hope for the coming of".......no, not our savior Jesus Christ as the prayer would finish, but would in hope of a good day and good news tomorrow. Now that previously mentioned man named Jesus assuredly will be called out to tonight by way of prayers from yours truly. When....what.....where......why......how did we get here. Ahhhhhhhh that is what I have a blog for my friends.

When we last met on my blog, I was going for my first post-recovery scan. While I replied a couple days later via e-mail and not by way of a full-blown blog, the test was not a 100% ace job, but I scored a self-described 98%. Only a couple of nodes on the left side of my neck---the opposite side of the original tumor---were described by my Radiation Oncologist as "borderline" and nothing that we could not wait to review again at my next scan in mid-April. OK......so I'm good. But I've got that minor follow up visit with my surgeon to do 2 weeks after this.....mere formality (SURE!!!) if you will since he has not seen me since mid-July. NO problem. No problem unless you know my surgeon.

So then comes January 26th, the day of my follow up appointment. A bigger problem than the 2-3 inches of snow that greet me for the drive to my 8:00am appointment is that I didn't taken the BIGGEST part of my own personal advice that day. I've told anyone/everyone that the one thing that I learned during this journey was to take someone to ride "side-saddle" with you when you go on one of those BIG appoinments with the doctors. Be it a spouse, a significant other, a parent, a child, a neighbor, a pet.......let someone be there so that they can hear what the doctor ACTUALLY SAYS vs what you may WANT TO HEAR FROM THE DOCTOR. On this doctor visit, unbeknownst to me, I broke that rule before I knew it. So I walk in 5 minutes late after the snow for my appointment and within probably 5 minutes of that is when Dr Weinstein arrives and starts talking. It is now I begin to hear the word BIOPSY not once, but TWICE. Borrowing my favorite phrase from my High School if you will........"Say What"?

The phrase PROACTIVE vs REACTIVE is one to so aptly describe my surgeon. Why wait to find out/know tomorrow what we can today? So while that is what I love about my surgeon, I was ready for a 30 minute---exchange pleasantries---how's the wife and kids?---how do you feel?---kind of appointment. That wasn't happening on this day. No this day was.........

1) "I don't like that you're still having problems with your throat 4+ months after radiation".....BIOPSY #1 on February 1st.

2) "If I've gotta do surgery I don't wanna know about a problem with your nodes 90 days from now. I wanna know about them NOW......AND so should you".......THAT WOULD BE BIOPSY #2 on February 10th.

3) "And since your procedure next week (a Laryngoscopy the same procedure done by my EENT last June that orignally diagnosed the Tonsil Tumor).....is minor surgery via going under, you'll need to hang around today and do all the pre-admissions testing"....

So now the routine 30 minute/nice to see you again appointment has turned into a full day at UPenn. Mind you, one that only gets even a LITTLE bit more fun. Seems that when I went to do an EKG with the Cardiologist besides giving blood, taking a chest X-Ray PLUS another EKG at the hospital.....it seems the EKG at the Cardiologist has a "slight abnormaliity" to the one I did there in June before the Robotic Surgery on my tonsil. What does that mean??? It means taking the elevator one floor up and getting to take a stress test. Nothing like a 30 minute routine visit turning into doing a full out sprint on a severely inclined treadmill.......while in jeans!!!!!!!!! Seriously.....is there this much fun in the after-life??? Someone please tell me now.

So I've gone for my "Double-Dutch Bus of Fun" over the past 2 weeks.....The throat Biopsy on Feb 1st (I needed a good nap) and then the neck (yes please give me 3 LONG needles right into my neck thank you!) on Feb 10th. While I'll never take the first glance/naked eye exam to mean anything more than exactly that, those exams did NOT.....again did NOT seem to indicate any possible short-term reoccurence of Cancer.

But now, with all levity aside......the even thought of and the mere typing of the words...."POSSIBLE SHORT-TERM REOCCURENCE of CANCER"......are frankly enough to make me want to cry. Yes and cry I have. Yes and I've even cried and cried some more. But self-pity, self-doubt, self....oh, woe is me will get me absolutely no f'ing place! No......I've I stressed over and over, the mental capacity to fight and to continue to fight and when you're sick of fighting.....then GD keep fighting some more!!! The mental capacity to fight is what keeps you going. Without that, me and so many others are justing spinning our wheels. The mental capacity to do that, to HOPE FOR THAT it what keeps you going. It what makes the sun rise in the morning. It's what keeps you going during the day. It's what puts a smile on your face at night when you kiss Grace, Matt, Arianna and Josh goodnight. OK....I'm a softy.....I'll even throw in kisses for Jewel and Rylee. Hey.....all dogs go to heaven you know!

So for now, please know that this blog page springs for hope that the Doctor's news will be good and that the positive strides I have made TO GET MY LIFE BACK will not go without reward. I've put WAY too much effort and put in WAY too much time and have put forth WAY too much hope to get halted in my tracks now. I've got WAY too much to live for................

Thank You and God Bless!

David D

I KNEW LONG AGO THERE WOULD BE NO SLEEP ON THIS NIGHT.............

HAPPY NEW YEAR and Welcome Back to the Journey..............

Incredibly I took a look right before undertaking a new blog (FINALLY!!!) at 2 things. One was the clock which tells me that in some ways I am back to my old ways. Starting to write this at 2:18AM tells me that my energy has returned, but at the same time any sanity I've tried to regain is gone out the window. 2:18AM for goodness sake??? Besides the clock, the other thing I checked out was my blog. No, not to see if it was actually on line. No I know it is still there, but to see when was the last blog posting. November 22nd was the latest one and for it being almost 2 months since my last blog I apologize to all of you. I should also apologize to myself as I am only almost one paragraph into this new one and I feel good writing already.

If you know me and have followed this blog, you know if I'm writing and especially if I am up late writing that means I cannot sleep and in the past 7 months since I was diagnosed with cancer you know what that means---YES, I've got a doctor's appointment. Now if I wrote a blog every night before a doctor's appointment, you would be reading these blogs about as regularly as your favorite newspaper columnist, based on the amount of times I've seen doctors over the past 7 months. No, but tomorrow is.....well.....THE BIGGIE!!! It's the one that I tried to promise myself I would not think about for 89 days when it was scheduled to take place 90 days after my radiation ended. But you know what? I couldn't do it. Thought about it each and every one of those 89 days I've waited. The holidays were a good diversion. My birthday......A brief personal moment here......YES I turned the BIG 5-0 yesterday and in the words of the late, great Leslie Nielsen from one of my all-time favorite movies Airplane........"that's not important right now". Yes, my birthday was a good diversion. No folks the importance is today,....later this morning.....11:30AM to be exact. Today is the 2nd biggest reason I wanted 2011 to get here and no for all you smart asses out there.....turning 50 was not the 1st reason. Actually leaving 2010 in the rear view mirror was the #1 reason why I wanted 2011 to get here. So before we can talk about 11:30AM today, I need to close the book on 2010.

Closing the book on 2010 was possibly the easiest thing I've done in my life. 365 days of unemployment and 177 days of......"you have cancer". Any questions why I wanted so badly to see 2010 end? But there were 3 parts of 2010 that I came to know and love. 2 of those have already and will forever be noted in this blog. First and foremost is of course the love, dedication, comfort and understanding I received from my entire family---immediate and extended, my side and Grace's. Without them, I wouldn't have made it even a few hours, let alone days and especially those days that were the darkest of the dark. The other one I've previously documented, but must be noted again were ALL the caregivers at UPenn. From my initial life-saver, my surgeon Dr Weinstein to my 2nd life-saver my Radiation Oncologist Dr Lin to EVERYONE before, after and in between. I can talk for days---and actually have with a few people that asked---about the TREMENDOUS care I received. Yes there are many things I've gone through that surely I never wanted to go through, but there wasn't anything that I didn't know about, wasn't prepared for and that the doctors weren't ready and prepared to handle. While my June 15, 2010 date of "final and complete diagnosis" will stay with me forever, so will the other words that came out of my EENT's mouth........that was the recommendation to go to UPenn.

But just like family and UPenn, the other part of 2010 that I was so grateful for is something like the other 2 that I have complete faith will carry with me into 2011 and beyond. That thing is ALL of YOU!!! It started post-surgery on the night of June 25th when most of you found out the news about me. The number is still etched in my head. I finally picked up my phone and there were 452 messages waiting for me. Yes, while some of these were junk e-mails, or tweets from Adam Schefter, the overwhelming were messages from all of you. With some of you it was 2 and 3 and 4 messages that were waiting for me as I could not get to my phone in any type of coherent state until that night. I think I said this before, but let me repeat if I have not.......I felt like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life"......except for the basket of money of course!!! For I was the richest man in town, because I had friends. And not just friends, but GREAT and CARING friends. And you my friends have:

.........Stuck With Me as I was getting my neck cut from ear to throat.

.........Stuck With Me when I got gout so bad in 3 places simultaneously that I couldn't even stand up to go to the bathroom---at least until I was told that they were gonna stick a needle in a place that I think a needle never should go.

.........Stuck With Me when I was getting tube #2 yanked from my chest so hard it made me ball like a baby.

.........Stuck With Me when one week into radiation my BP hit 179/120 and the words stroke were being thrown around until I was never so happy to have vertigo---which BTW, stays with me still to this day.

.........Stuck With Me when radiation burned my neck so bad that I couldn't turn my head and I had to sit and watch puss ooze from it at the time when other people couldn't stand to look at me.

.........Stuck With Me as I developed Lymphodema and a Thrush infection back in mid-October and it is now mid-January and both are still with me in a strong way with no signs that they are gonna go bye, bye anytime soon.

These events and mostly the daily grind---and I will tell any person who may get cancer or a loved one who gets cancer is that is what it is......A DAILY GRIND. And if any of you have gone through or dealt with anything that feels like a DAILY GRIND, you know exactly what I mean. You look at your watch and the day is still only 24 hours even though it feels like it was 44. You look at the calendar and each week still has 7 days even though you feel like it might have been 7 weeks. A.....DAILY.....F'ing.....GRIND.

There's family and the folks at UPenn to help you get through it, but it was---and continues to be---ALL OF YOU that get me through this shit. Early on I had someone ask me about my blog and how I could just "put myself out there for everyone to see". I never had any grand visions that I could get through this without the help of many good people. Many of you have tossed the words, strong and brave and hero at me. It makes me smile and OK, it makes me feel good. But while it is flattering, it is far from reality. Strength and bravery and heroes are made from those people who DO FOR OTHERS. Soldiers in Iraq or Afghanistan are heroes. Daniel Hernandez the intern who jumped into action to save Congresswoman Giffords life is a hero. I am just a man. A very common man at that, that for 7 months has not done anything in any different way than any of you would do if someone were to tell you........."See, you've got this and we need to do that if you wanna live". Seems like an easy decision to me, right? For me to decide that I wanted to live didn't take any research or some gut wrenching decision. But again, even with my decisions about my care and my dedication to getting better........NONE of it is at all possible without ALL of YOU to help make it happen. All of the kind words, all the positive energy, all the prayers, all the favors (grass cutting, rides to doctor, etc....) are all the things that made my journey to this point, easier so that I could do what I needed to do and that was being the best patient I could be, so I could rid this poisonous shit from my body.

Yes, ridding the poisonous shit from my body gives me a nice segway to the sleepless night and this blog. On Tuesday I had my first follow up scan which is scheduled 90 days after the end of radiation. Like clockwork they work.....radiation over October 11th, first scan on January 11th. So while the scan was on Tuesday, the moment of truth awaits tomorrow at 11:30AM as previously mentioned. My daily thought for 89 days will be over. You see It is then that I get to see my old friend Dr LIn, my Radiation Oncologist and get delivered the results of the scan. For all the faith, positive thoughts and hope I've had leading up to this day, as it has gotten closer, anxiety has turned to nervousness which since Christmas has transformed into being downright scared. You see to me it is worse now than when I first got diagnosed. When I first got diagnosed, what did I know? Oh, gotta lump in my neck, so if it is cancer, then they'll just go in and cut it out, maybe a few weeks of radiation and I'll be turning back flips by Labor Day. You see now I know too much. I know enough that if the news is good, it is only good until the next scan which will be either 3 or 6 months away. But if the news is bad, it is bad immediately. In so many parts of my life I've been a "worse case scenario" planner. Be planned and ready in case something really bad happens, but most likely the news will be good. But with all that said, if the news is not good, I cannot tell you how hard that would be to take. Frankly I've worked my ass over the past 7 months to get better. I've hit a permanent pause button on so many aspects of my life. While I'll have to deal with any news I'm given.......I ain't gonna very much like anything but Dr Lin throwing me a bouquet of cancer-free roses. So.......today is THE day.

Until we meet again............

Best Regards and God Bless!

David D